Saturday, August 28, 2010

Mark Zuckerberg Should Die in a Fire

No One likes this.

We're going to keep this short and sweet. Facebook was odious enough when it was just giving a generation of idiots the illusion that they mattered to anyone. Fine, whatever, P.T. Barnum would have loved the Web. (Important Safety Tip: If more people wish you happy birthday on your Facebook wall than to your actual face then you need to stop, unplug your computer and hang yourself with the power cord.) But now this billionaire mouthbreather wants to trademark the word "face," and sue anyone who uses the word "book" in the context of online or social networking. Because it "creates a false suggestion of an affiliation or connection between [Teachbook] and Facebook, where none exists."

Surprisingly, we would actually agree with you except for one problem. You didn't coin the term "facebook," and it doesn't belong to you, Mark. Colleges have been issuing facebooks for years, and they called them, wait for it, facebooks. You know who had a facebook? Harvard had a facebook; that's where you got your "idea" to create an electronic facebook so you could scam on girls (seriously, have you looked in the mirror?) This is a little like creating a website called that sells hardware, and then trying to prevent anyone from using the word "hardware" to sell anything to do with fucking hardware. The word "face" and "book" were associated with social networking long before your pimply-ass appropriated them. It's why you appropriated them. If you wanted an original name you should have invented a word like "Sony." But you didn't. You took an existing word, and used it for your website. Trying to say that it belongs to you now is just the pinnacle of ex post facto douchebaggery.

Wherefore the sudden bravado, Mark? Is it because David Fincher cast that Michael Cera shaped tumor Jesse Eisenberg to play you in the movie? Perhaps you should ponder the significance of that casting decision, Mark; it's not a compliment. Otherwise, after you get done with you might try something stupid like suing Apple for it's video chat feature: Facetime. Hey, video chat is social and it requires a network... We'd like to see that, and watch Steve Jobs defile your corpse like a Silicon Valley Vincenzo Coccotti. He's done it before.

Maybe we'll trademark the words "die" and "fire." Watch your ass, Firefox. You know, as in, Mark go die in a fire().


  1. the words of truth are finally born!!

  2. I'm up to it. If I sit next to him in a plane someday, I will strangle him with my bare hands.

  3. whoever wrote this is an ignorant idiot because they are complaining about how Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook. But unfortunately the way he created it is the same way about half of all revolutions in media in business stared, somebody created an easier more accessible way to bring the public what they want off an idea or a bunch of ideas or desires that already existed. I hate Facebook. I think its destroying peoples motivation to develop personal relationships and i wish it was never invented. But you can't criticize the way he formed his business. Hate the game not the player..... Or maybe the player too.

  4. zuckerberg? CIA?

    Maybe he should change his name for Suckerberg...
    Oh, and what does zuckerberg mean? This is german, and it means: a mountain of sugar... Who doesn't know that the biggest mafioso in the world are the sugar rulers?
    Now, you get it? Mafioso, Zuckerberg, CIA, facebook ... all the same people who just want to rule over the world.

  5. Zuckerberg needs real friends, not to be on his computer talking to his imaginary virtual friends.

  6. when it comes down to it mark is no smarter or better than any of us hes just like alcohol and cigeret companys video games makers he just knew how to take humans social dependency and got people hooked on a website rather keep beeps and grow my own crops and do real work rather getting rich off that bullshit i woudent feel right all the people i know that bust there ass off every day just to keep there kids fed thats just my opionion.

  7. ... I agree, but I'm also pretty sure that he's a fucking terrorist as well; he's banned me from facebook multiple times, for anti-muslim posts, but other people are allowed to recruit terrorists through 'isis' groups on his website, but it somehow doesn't violate facebook's community standards .. I think it would be a HUGE dose of ironic justice if he were shot through the forehead by an isis operative ..