Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Rush Limbaugh: Making Logic his Bitch, One Fallacy at a Time

 It's just a damn shame when a woman let's herself go this way...

So Rush Limbaugh thinks Michelle Obama is fat, which raises the question - what forty-something mothers-of-two is he using as his baseline? We wish we were that fat. But given that she's a whale, Rush Limbaugh has concluded that Michelle Obama is a hypocrite for advancing her anti-obesity/healthy kids initiative. How can an obese woman who allows herself to be caught dining on short ribs possibly be able to offer dietary advice to children? Therefore the whole initiatve should be scrapped, because "Leaders are supposed to lead. If we are supposed to go out and eat nothing, if we are supposed to eat roots, berries and tree bark, show us how."

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Prince: Gett Off or Get off

Reminds me of something James used to say...
Listen up, y'all. If Prince invites you up on stage to dance with him during one of his concerts than you had best shake your ass for His Purpleness. Otherwise, this is liable to go down:

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Musings on the Super Bowl

Brought to you by Cialis
  • Christina Aguilera muffed the National Anthem, which just goes to show what happens when people make her sing with clothes on.
  • Sitting outside the the stadium watching the Super Bowl on a big TV is like walking your date to her front door and then making love to her mailbox.
  • A car that provides automatic Facebook updates makes us yearn for a car that tweets the firmness of our BMs.
  • Somewhere Axl Rose is throwing a television out of a Motel 6 listening to Fergie butcher Sweet Child O' Mine. At least he had the decency to wear a catcher's mask when he was caterwauling.
  • Didn't Slash used to be a rock star?
  • The producer responsible for the sound mix for the Black Eyed Peas should probably start updating his resume. Haven't seen that many dead mikes since This Is It.
  • Eminem is lapping the field as biggest celebrity whore of Super Bowl 45. When did the Real Slim Shady start shilling soft drinks?
  • The Packers have a guy named Frank Zombo... George Romero needs to get cracking on a Super Bowl of the Dead script.
  • The new Mini "Cram in the the Boot" commercial seems ready made for a porn parody.
  • Kim Kardashian just did a high gloss version of her sex tape, but I think I'm supposed to buy women's cross trainers or something.
  • How does that taste Brett Favre? Maybe you and Joe Montana can hold each other and have a pity party sometime.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

SNL: The Betty Ford Clinic of Celebrity Images

Can I go? Do they like me now?
Yeah, okay, we get it. If a famous person with a bad reputation appears on Saturday Night Live, it means they're actually cool and have a sense of humor about themselves. Message received.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Rep. Paul Broun Locks Himself in His Room

I love it when they call me Big Baby!
Put Your hands in the air
if you are laisez-faire!
We've tried to swear off writing about politics since the mid-terms, but knew that eventually something would drag us back in. Surprisingly it came in the form of a tweet from Rep. Paul Broun of Georgia. Broun, who found the idea of sitting alongside Democrats at the State of the Union too "kissy-kissy" for his tastes, refused to play nice and instead sat in his office pouting and tweeting. We like to imagine him playing with his favorite stuffed tiger, and grousing about how he never gets to have any fun. Our favorite tweet of the night was:
Mr. President, you don't believe in the Constitution. You believe in socialism.

Melanie Spanopoulos: Love in the Age of Facebook

Don't not "friend" Melanie Spanopoulos.
Apparently this digital age Amy Fisher takes her Facebook seriously. Ever had one of those awkward "why haven't you accepted my friend request" conversations? The ones where you say you just don't check Facebook that often but actually you've consigned the person to Friend Limbo (Frimbo)? Ever had your cousin run you down with her van (twice) because she found out some guy accepted you, but rejected her? No? Well, Giselle Penagos has and her cousin Melanie don't play that.

How does a fight about a Facebook "friend" even work?

Monday, January 24, 2011

Movie Cliché du Jour: The Last Big Score

No, not that kind of Score... well, okay, maybe.
If there is an exhausted, worn out movie trope that needs to be retired from the screenwriters' big book of clichés it is the exhausted, worn out criminal looking to retire. Could it be that Hollywood has a dirty conscience? Do the aging executives and agents who greenlight movies have a weak spot for world weary criminals looking for a new life? Perhaps, perhaps not, but from Heat to The American to The Town, we're starting to wonder where all the mid-career criminals have gone.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Toddlers & Tiaras... Who'll Save the Wee Children?

Where is her song, Sarah Mclaclan?
Who indeed, Groundskeeper Willie? Here's the thing... apparently, TLC has a reality series called Toddlers & Tiaras. Apparently, it just started its fifth season.  And apparently we live under a rock because we just found out it exists. So apologies if we're recycling old news here, but it's a lot to take in all at once and we need to process. It's not everyday you get to see childhood die in HD.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Terry Allen Lester Should Die In a Fire

Oscar winning opportunity for Danny McBride.
Admittedly, we've gotten a slow start to the New Year here at DIAF. The new year's party got a wee bit out o' hand. It took Jessica, our relentlessly upbeat intern from Cankdeska Cikana Community College, all of New Year's Day just to sort the mannequins from the revelers in Xanax induced comas. Also, the impromptu game of Predator Drone played with Lawn Darts and blindfolds turned really ugly. The joint looks like a bombed out Abercrombie and Fitch, but since our offices happen to be in an abandoned Urban Outfitters perhaps that's a step up? Still it's been hard getting any work done around here.