Monday, December 20, 2010

Carine Roitfeld: Fashion Goddess

No, not Iggy Pop's sister.
Ever wonder why women's fashion seems to hate women? Parading impossibly skinny models with unobtainable, unhealthy bodies before a female populace who has neither the time nor the genetics to look like a twelve year old boy. Mucking up women's self-esteem so they can push lines of clothes, low rider jeans for example, that look good on about 2% of women and gives the remaining 98% a blooming muffin top. And generally torturing women into spending astronomical percentages of their income trying to keep up with whatever the magazines claim is stylish. Why so mean spirited, fashion industry?

Well we have a theory. Gaze long and hard at Carine Roitfeld's face. Until recently she was the Editor-in-Chief of French Vogue but is leaving/fired in January depending on who you believe. Judging by her nineteen dollar Supercuts hairdo, total absence of makeup and ratty camo sweater does this strike anyone as a woman who reads Vogue much less buys any of the shitty products advertised therein? Yes ladies, this walk-on from Zoolander 2 is one of the gurus advising you on how to dress and look. We're not implying that women's fashion is a conspiracy of subteranean troll people plotting against the surface dwellers*, but taking fashion advice from Carine Roitfeld would be like taking weightlifting tips from Justin Beiber. Really think she has your best interests at heart? Look at her again. Do it! We know it burns. Now chew on that the next time you struggle through an hour of hot yoga while fantasizing about the four leaves of arugula you're going to treat yourself to afterwards. Delicious.

*That's exactly what we're implying.


  1. Hot yoga is a ninety minute moving meditation, not an hour. I don't see why you have to drag a perfectly legitimate form of exercise down here.

  2. We're willing to stipulate that Hot Yoga is a perfectly legitimate form of exercise if you're willing to stipulate that most people don't do yoga in 95 degrees for its meditative qualities.

  3. Are you suuuuure that's a woman?

  4. It's actually at or above 105°F and around 40% humidity. But that's really beside the point. I can certainly concede (I think that's the word you were looking for) that not everyone seeks out hot yoga for its meditative value, though many more than you might think find a soothing peace and perspective afterwards that they may not consciously associate with the meditative aspects of the practice.

    But I would ask that you also concede that arugula is a fine source of vitamin C and potassium, though at least eight leaves is more consistent with a healthy and balanced diet.

  5. Eight whole leaves? And they said the rock and roll lifestyle was dead.

    We'll concede to your expertise regarding hot yoga, but not to our word choice:

    Stipulate - to accept (a proposition) without requiring that it be established by proof: to stipulate the existence of certain facts.

    And thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.